How To Find Out If Someone Has Gambling Debt

1. A professional gambler makes a business out of gambling. He can write off his gambling losses and any expenses that he incurs for gambling - like travel - to offset gambling income. Since gambling is a business, he would file a Schedule C to report his income and expenses and would also have to pay self-employment taxes on his profits.
2. If someone close to you has a gambling problem, it can put a huge stress on you and your household finances. Try to encourage them to get help to deal with their debts and gambling. If you’re struggling to deal with someone else’s gambling and debt problems, get specialist advice.
3. Get a second job – The quickest way to get out of debt is to boost your income. That doesn’t mean bet the house on black. You need steady, predictable income. Find a part-time job and apply that money to your gambling debt. Bankruptcy – This should always be a last resort, but in extreme cases it might be the only option.
4. If a debt is secured against an item or asset, for example, a property, things are a little more complicated. Before working out the value of an asset, like your home, you must find out how it was owned and the value of the deceased’s share of the jointly owned asset.

1. How To Find Out If Someone Has Gambling Debt Losses
2. How To Find Out If Someone Has Gambling Debt Owed
3. How To Find Out If Someone Has Gambling Debt Consolidation
4. How To Find Out If Someone Has Gambling Debts

We ask Rachel Connor from debt advice charity StepChange, as part of Talk Money Week, to answer the following question. Join in the conversation on Twitter and tell us what you would advise.

Individuals who have struggled with a gambling addiction are likely to be dealing with a range of financial problems, including credit card debt, debt to casinos, debt to family members and/or friends from whom they borrowed money, past-due state and federal taxes, and even debt to illegal sources such as loan sharks.

Question

I’m worried about my husband and I think he may be hiding something from me. He seems to be getting more and more scary looking letters through the door, and they disappear quickly so I can’t see what they are.

When I ask him about them, he gets defensive and says they’re just junk mail. He goes out every evening pretty much, and most of the weekends too and my friend said she keeps seeing him at the local bookies.

When he’s in, he locks himself away in the spare room. He’s always been a bit of a gambler, but it's never been a problem before.

We’ve never been short of money in the past, but things keep going missing. Cash has disappeared from my purse and now my gold bracelet which my mother gave to me has gone.

I’ve searched the house top to bottom for it. I just don’t think I could ask if he’s stealing from me. Has he got us into trouble with money? Will he be truthful?

I have no idea what to do.

Anon, UK

Answer

Dear Anon,

I’m really sorry to hear about the stressful situation you’ve been dealing with. From what you’ve described, there’s a chance your husband may be dealing with a gambling addiction.

This can not only be difficult for him, but also for you, his partner. You clearly want to help him, but may be unsure how to support him in his recovery.

Gambling is a powerful addiction, so it’s important that you understand what your partner’s dealing with, and actions you can take/

According to the relationship counselling charity Relate, there are several danger signs of a gambling problem to look out for. Some of them seem to match up with what you’ve been witnessing lately. They include:

• Spending a lot of time away from the house and being vague or secretive about it. Some gamblers get up early in the morning to gamble while their partner or family are asleep.
• Becoming defensive whenever money is discussed.
• Hiding bank statements.
• Unexplained payments coming out of your bank account(s).
• Emotional highs and lows.

Even though your partner is the one facing the problem, how you feel is important, too.

Talk to someone

You’ve already mentioned that a friend’s noticed your husband’s behaviour. Do you trust this friend? Can you talk to them in confidence about how you’re feeling, or do you have anyone else you can talk to?

Having someone to share your feelings with can really help your own mental wellbeing.

Your GP can refer you and your partner to local support groups that specialise in gambling recovery. You could also encourage your partner to talk in confidence with their HR department or trade union about what they’re going through.

Is there any way to help your partner avoid the temptation to gamble? According to the Gambling Commission, there are over 8,500 betting shops in the UK. As a result, your partner may have to fight an impulse to gamble every time they walk along the local high street.

Have a think about the different gambling ‘triggers’ that may arise for them. For example:

• Can they take an alternative route to the shops, or to work?
• Are they pressured into gambling by friends or colleagues (during lunch breaks, on nights out etc.)?
• Are there any apps on their phone that encourage gambling?

Get support

Finally, tell your partner to get support from a gambling awareness charity such as Gamcare. They also offer confidential support and advice for family and friends of those with gambling problems.

You can contact them online or by phone on 0808 8020 133 every day 8am to midnight.

Your partner can even talk in confidence at local meetings held by Gamblers Anonymous. Sharing their problem with others who are seeking help with gambling can make them feel less alone.

Recovering from a gambling addition could take its toll, mentally and emotionally. Seek support for your mental wellbeing from charities such as Mind and Time to Talk.

If you have a mental health assistance scheme through your employer, then please take advantage of it. By giving yourself the support you need, you’ll be in a much better position to help your partner through recovery.

If your partner’s in debt due to gambling, we recommend that they get expert gambling advice as well as free and confidential debt advice.

If they don’t seek help with their addiction, there’s a high chance they may fall back into gambling, which could make their debt problem worse.

Citizens Advice has recently joined forces with GambleAware to offer support to gamblers who are also dealing with a debt problem. At StepChange Debt Charity we also offer free and confidential debt advice over the telephone and online.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to gambling problems, and different approaches work for different people. However, help is available and neither of you have to face the problem alone.

10 Common Lies Compulsive Gamblers Tell

If you’re living with a compulsive gambler, you’re already familiar with the never-ending cycle of lies, half-truths, and deliberate distortion of facts. But if you haven’t yet confirmed (but do suspect) that your spouse or partner has a gambling addiction, look carefully at his or her behavior patterns for signs that gambling has become more than just a casual occurrence. Compulsive lying is one of the symptoms of compulsive or pathological gamblers. These gamblers are addicted to gambling, and lying becomes second nature to them. What are some of the common lies compulsive gamblers tell? Read on.

#1: I don’t have a gambling problem.

Anyone who flat-out denies they have a gambling problem, despite evidence to the contrary, is either well on their way to full-blown gambling addiction or is already there. By the time someone is deep into gambling, their behavior becomes consistent and predictable. They will do anything and say anything to get to their primary goal: gambling. That they stretch the truth or tell outright lies is an understatement. Gambling addicts, even after disastrous losses, bankruptcy and financial ruin, legal problems, deteriorating family and personal relationships, will often steadfastly maintain that they don’t have a gambling problem.

Denial is a coping mechanism the compulsive gambler uses to attempt to mask his or her problem. By hoping to keep the truth from coming out, the gambler tries to buy time – time he or she uses to keep on gambling. Thus, there’s self-denial and denial to others. Both types of denial are symptoms of many kinds of addiction, not just gambling addiction. The more a person swears they don’t have a problem – gambling or alcohol or drugs or other addictive behavior – the more likely it is that they do.

Lie #2: I can stop anytime I want.

Confronting a compulsive gambler – calling him or her on the indisputable facts that indicate gambling has become an addictive behavior – will usually generate this kind of lie in response. The gambler cannot admit to you or him/her self that there’s a problem, number one, and, number two, if that doesn’t work, he or she will profess vehemently that stopping is no problem. To prove it, the compulsive gambler may even stay away from the casino, sports book, Internet gaming, or track for a short period of time.

But the lure of cashing in on the big score, snagging the elusive prize is too great. Before long, the compulsive gambler is right back at it. He or she simply cannot resist the temptation. The urge to gamble has become a craving that gnaws incessantly on the consciousness. To ignore the craving is to suffer – and the compulsive gambler only wants the high that comes from gambling.

Lie #3: My gambling doesn’t hurt anyone.

Most addicts believe – some, even sincerely – that their addiction doesn’t hurt anyone. Some even believe their addiction doesn’t even hurt them. It’s just as true with compulsive gambling as addiction to alcohol, illicit drugs, prescription drugs used nonmedically, or other addictive behavior including compulsive sex, overwork, eating disorders, and so on. In fact, gambling addiction, like all addictions, is considered a family disease/disorder. What happens when one individual in the family is addicted impacts all members of the family.

What kinds of harm does this potentially involve? Depending on the length of time the individual has been gambling, and the other addictions the person may also have, the damage may be extensive. Compulsive gamblers often are addicted to alcohol, nicotine, or other harmful substances. This can result in physical deterioration to the addict as well as mental and emotional difficulties: cognitive impairment, difficulty concentrating, loss of memory, explosive rage, extreme mood swings, depression, psychosis, and thoughts of suicide, among others.

Dealing with the effects of gambling addiction, the family suffers right along with the gambler. As gambling takes up more and more of the individual’s life, taking care of family responsibilities becomes less important. Many gamblers lose their home, go bankrupt, get arrested for various crimes (embezzlement, fraud, theft, violence, DUIs, etc.), lose their job or source of income, become violent and abusive to family members, lose their families. As a unit, the family often disintegrates. In fact, without treatment, compulsive gambling is a downward spiral that has, at its final stage, a predictable outcome for the individual: prison, commitment to a mental institution, or death.

Lie #4: I didn’t go gambling.

Meeting the gambler at the door and asking where he or she was is like asking for the inevitable lie: I didn’t go gambling. What else can the compulsive gambler say? Admitting that he or she went gambling is tantamount to admitting loss of control, an inability to set and keep boundaries, and a refusal to keep a promise. If there’s the smell of alcohol and the individual reeks of cigarette smoke or there are other telltale signs of substance use – and you know the person has a history of gambling – hearing the denial will only add fuel to the fire.

You know it’s an outright lie. Confrontation isn’t the way to deal with it. At least, it’s not the solution right now. You need to pick your time for the discussion, and it needs to be when the compulsive gambler is rational, calm, and able to carry on a conversation about the situation in a normal manner.

Lie #5: I have my gambling under control.

If you are the partner or spouse who relies on the compulsive gambler to take care of the bills and other financial responsibilities in the household, you may be tempted to believe this lie. He or she has unrestricted access to the checking and savings accounts, credit cards, lines of credit and other avenues. If, on the other hand, you are the one who controls the purse strings, so to speak, and you constantly give in to the requests for money, you are enabling the compulsive gambler to continue with his or her addictive behavior. You are complicit, codependent, and have just magnified the problem by making it easier for the compulsive gambler to continue.

When someone says they have their gambling under control, they are lying not only to you but also to themselves. A person who only buys a Lotto ticket once in a while will never make this statement. Someone who goes to the track daily, or can’t go by the casino without going in and gambling for hours, maxing out the ATM withdrawals, badgering friends for cash, is very likely to utter these words – and probably more than just a few times. After a while, they just aren’t believable anymore. And the evidence will mount to prove just how big a lie it is.

Lie #6: I didn’t touch our savings.

Desperation sets in the longer the compulsive gambler engages in the addictive behavior. Why is this? While the gambler may initially (in the early stages of gambling behavior) have some wins, the odds are literally stacked against him or her. Sooner or later, the house always wins. It doesn’t matter if the form of gambling is at an actual casino, or sports betting, or Internet gaming, the gambler’s luck eventually runs out.

But the gambler is convinced it’s only a temporary setback. If he or she just keeps gambling, the luck will return. There’s always the big score, the huge payout, just around the corner. All that’s needed is the infusion of cash.

Where to get the cash? Gamblers will rob savings accounts, jockey funds back and forth, hide the passbook or bank statements, and delay the inevitable – all in the futile attempt to keep you from the truth. If you hear your partner or spouse say he or she didn’t touch your savings, you’d better check it out with the bank yourself. Chances are this is just another lie the compulsive gambler tells you.

Lie #7: You won’t believe what happened…

How To Find Out If Someone Has Gambling Debt Losses

The more deep in debt the compulsive gambler gets – and there’s no way around the fact that this will occur – the more elaborate and exaggerated the lies and stories he or she begins to concoct. There’ll be the robbery that occurred as he or she was depositing money in the bank – and now everything’s gone. Or someone stole his or her wallet and now the credit cards are gone. There may have been an unbelievable investment opportunity and it had a limited window, so he or she had to jump in now or lose the chance… All this and more will come out of the compulsive gambler’s mouth as a way to explain what happened to your money.

If you hear the words: You won’t believe what happened… don’t believe it. No matter how convincing it sounds, it’s likely a lie.

How To Find Out If Someone Has Gambling Debt Owed

Lie #8: My friend was in trouble and needed money.

This lie is an evergreen one that almost every compulsive gambler uses on more than one occasion. In fact, it’s so common that it’s nearly predictable that you will hear it sooner or later. Certainly there are times when your spouse or partner’s friends may be in trouble. Who doesn’t have such an experience? But when your partner is a compulsive gambler, you have reason to be suspicious. Naturally, you want to give someone you care about the benefit of the doubt, but after falling for this lie time and time again, you’re again only enabling the addictive behavior to continue.

The story about a friend being in trouble and needing money fast also falls into the lie category of you won’t believe what happened. Elaborate, exaggerated, and preposterous stories – all lies – are part and parcel of the compulsive gambler’s repertoire.

Lie #9: You can trust me now.

Trust is a fragile thing. Once you lose trust in another individual, it’s very hard to ever trust that person again. The closer you are to the person, especially if you are married or live with him or her, the more difficult it is to re-establish trust once it’s lost.

Compulsive gamblers need to be able to continue their addictive behavior. In order to do that, they either have to have a complicit or codependent partner, or they have to convince whomever they need to in order to continue to gain access to cash. Friends will eventually see through the lies and refuse to lend any more money to the gambler. After all, this money is rarely, if ever, repaid. They know it’s going for gambling, despite the lies the gambler tells. They gradually avoid the gambler, refusing to take his or her calls, quickly finding an excuse to leave if approached. There’s no trust there now.

But when you live with the compulsive gambler, have a relationship that’s lasted for some period of time, even have children with the gambler – you have a vested interest in maintaining the relationship. You obviously care for (or have cared for) the person. Your heart breaks over what’s been happening as your loved one slides deeper into gambling addiction. Time and time again, you’ve given in and accepted the lies. You’ve told yourself that it’s only a phase, or it’s not that bad, or he or she will outgrow it. Who’s lying to whom now?

Trust is earned through action. Trust is not gained through words. If your partner or spouse says you can trust him or her now, say that it will take time and action – getting treatment, quitting gambling – for you to again be able to place your trust in him/her.

Lie #10: I’ll never gamble again.

The compulsive gambler will tell you what you want to hear – even though it’s a lie. Usually, when you hear the person swear that he or she will never gamble again, it’s after a particularly disastrous loss, arrest, legal entanglement, loss of a job, or other serious consequence.

Instead of letting the lie go unchallenged, you will need to take a stand. Will you continue to put up with this addiction? What are your options? Only you can decide how you will handle your spouse or partner’s gambling addiction. While you certainly can’t force someone else – even one you love dearly – to quit gambling, you can decide how you are going to live your own life. You need to tell this individual how his or her gambling has hurt you and the family, how much you care about the person and want him/her to get help to overcome this situation. You can choose not to involve yourself in his/her behavior. No more lying to friends, family, employer or others about your partner’s gambling. No more excuses. No more looking the other way when the signs and consequences of mounting gambling debt are all around you.

If and when your spouse or partner is ready to admit to the problem and genuinely wants to get treatment to overcome gambling addiction, then you may begin to see a glimmer of hope on the horizon. The words alone shouldn’t convince you. In order for them to have meaning, they need to be backed up by action. Your spouse/partner needs to go into treatment.

You can help by looking into available treatment facilities, either residential treatment facility for gambling addiction or outpatient treatment facilities. Remember that the gambling addict has to want to change in order for change to have a chance. He or she will need professional help in order to overcome his/her addiction. With treatment, not only will the addict learn about the disease of addiction, but he or she will also learn how to avoid triggers and learn and practice coping behaviors to prevent relapse. Part of the gambling addiction treatment process will be to identify the underlying reasons why compulsive gambling is so attractive and to work on overcoming those urges.

If the gambler is adamant about not getting treatment but still maintains he or she will never gamble again, there’s nothing you can do about it – for him or her. But there is something you can do for you. Attend Gam-Anon meetings. These are 12-step fellowship groups whose purpose is to help those family members and friends of gambling addicts cope with the situation. You cannot change the gambler, but you can change how you interact with the gambler and change your behaviors so that you are not enabling the gambling to continue.

How To Find Out If Someone Has Gambling Debt Consolidation

Bottom line: When you’ve had enough of the lies, you must make a choice. If you set limits, be sure that you’re willing to enforce them. Don’t make a statement that you’re not able to back up. If you say that you will leave the compulsive gambler if he/she doesn’t get help, you’d better be ready to go through with it. Again, what you do is very much your choice. But you don’t have to try to wade through the emotional minefield on your own. Get help and support from others in your situation.

How To Find Out If Someone Has Gambling Debts

Will the lies ever stop? The good news is that gambling addiction is treatable. If your spouse or partner seeks and completes treatment and attends 12-step meetings (such as Gamblers Anonymous) in recovery, with your support and encouragement (and your own Gam-Anon meeting attendance), there’s a very good possibility that compulsive lies – and compulsive gambling – will become a thing of the past.